Why Do You Look Away When I Speak About Poverty?

Picture - Kibera Slum, Kenya, home to 1.4 million of Kenyans poorest people.

It has dawned on me. As hard as I seem to find it to write about poverty and development, mainly because its so deep that I only ever want to do it justice, it's probably spurred on by the fact that it's one of those things people don't like to talk about too much.

People don't want to be made to feel guilty about something that is in many ways out of their control. People don't want to take responsibilty for what they fail to know. And people don't want to take the time to truly think about the possibility...the tiny but massive possibilty that we could actually do something to end poverty. For good.

Where to start?

It's a tricky one poverty and development. There is such a huge need that its normal for one not to be able to fathum the possibilty of change but let me just shed some light on why there needs to be change...how better then a few hard hitting statistics ay!

1.4 Billion people live in extreme poverty right now. That's not including the millions who live in poverty. When I say extreme poverty I mean they live off less than 85p a day - according to the World Bank. And this figure is adjusted to buying power so dont think ooh 85p into naira is like 170 naira which can buy enough food for a day...coz the equiivilent I mean is not.

884 million people don't have access to safe drinking water and around a Billion people don't have a toilet. May seem hard to believe but I have used a pit latrine and if there is no water around they are highly unhygienic and extremely unpleasant. The result of this is that 2.2 million people die from diarrhoea related diseases EVERY YEAR!!! Here in the UK people make jokes about diarrhoea because its nothing to us. Get a pill and its cleared. Completely different story over there.

EVERY DAY 22,000 people die from hunger and diseases we easily cure here. Die from hunger? Seriously. We see it in the news and in adverts but can you really imagine being so hungry you die? I can't, that makes me shudder. That is one child every 3.9 seconds people. SubhanAllah.

72 million children are missing out on an education and there are still 759 million adults who never went to school. So where are their prospects of making a living? There are a not enough jobs so these uneducated people will do menial labour for menial pay - probably not even amounting to that 85p.

These are just a few reasons why we must act. We all talk about Peace, Love and Unity but if we don't do what I see as one of the clearest and most needed acts of love to the people who need us most, what are we doing?

I always think, if I were in their shoes, sitting in my village trying to figure out what I'm going to feed my family today knowing there were people thousands of miles away with money they use to splash out on gucci, prada and versace (not that I'd know or care what that was), I'd be praying that they would help. Especially if my own country were not doing or could not do enough.

The world is unjust. It just is. God made it that way. He also gave us free will. Most of that is abused because the worst things in the world have happened through mans desire to use free will for bad rather than good. But we, as God feering slaves and children of God, whether your Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Sikh or Rastafarian, know what love is. And love is kind. It is caring and giving and it is unconditional. If not for any other reason we should be pushing for the end of suffering for these reasons alone.

But also, and this is a lesson I took from Kenya and will always apply to my life. We have the ability to live in balance. So when you splash out on that bag or coat, spa weekend or holiday in the bahamas give a little more that month. Sponsor another child. Volunteer during that holiday. We should always strive to make the world better.

Why?

Because we can...it is possible and it has been done!

South Korea (I learnt at the 1.4 Billion presentation held by MADE) is an example of an aid recipient country becoming a aid donor today. The country has been transformed from developing to developed. From struggling to surviving. It is so possible.

In Ghana, 'following a landmark democratic election in 1992, Ghana's government helped implement policies that promoted economic growth and poverty alleviation by investing in things like health, education and infrastructure. Extreme poverty in Ghana has dropped from 49% to 30%'. Alamdullillah (Praise be to God)!!! While they still have a long way to go...that's a huge achievement and proof of what can be done internally.

And finally, for this post anyway...we must work towards and get involved in alleviating poverty because once upon a time the world thought slavery was normal. That it was something the economy couldn't live without. That it was the natural order of things. And that it couldn't ever really end. But it did. And while there is a huge difference in the two, how amazing would it be to wake up and know that no one was going to die from poverty related issues again?


Anyway, that's all for this post. Will delve a little deeper in my next one.

Just remember...

We can - see the UN Millenium Development Goals come to pass.
We should - show love, peace and unity in the greatest way.
We will - MAKE POVERTY HISTORY.

Still smiling.

Black History Month: Black's Got Talent!!!

I am meant to be posting about poverty and development which I will but I just wanted to write a quick one about the event I went to on Sunday!

It was a BHM event - basically a showcase of talent! I hadn't been to an event like that in ages and it was so nice to be in a venue with good vibes, great entertainment and all for the celebration this great month!

There was a dance group that took me back to my school days of going to talent shows and my year of practicing a dance for the Southwark show that we never actually did perform! Would have been a fail if we did tho! Lol!

The poet, who initially I was reluctant about because she has that American style of reciting which I am starting to find defeats the meaning of some poetry performances, was amazing. The content of her poems were deep and meaningful and spoke to me on many levels. I have written alot on the things she spoke about. I appreciate the poetic art form - I may just add that one of my poems 'Open Your Eyes' is being published in the Platform 2 poetry book!!! :)

The fashion too was note worthy. I am really loving the fact that everyone seems to have some kind of fashion line out these days! I even did/do! (Liallah Vintage will return sometime soon!) The first was a African line (funnily enough I had just sketched and given designs to my tailor to make ankara dresses for me that very day!) which was on point! It's beautiful to see the commercial world appreciate our traditional cloth. And while I love the traditional ways of wearing lace and ankara I am loving the modern twists! The second line was more street fashion - very imageting! I can't say I didn't like it coz I did!

There were two acts I weren't to excited about...a singer who could really saaang but his lyrical content was too explicit for me! And then the comedian...hmmm...black comedians love to pick on 3 people if there in the crowd...white people, Somalians and Muslims if there are any!! And there's me in my bright blazer sitting at the front...I was pretty much asking for it-and he did go there! I won't repeat what he said! Silly man!

And my friend Remel who hosted the event was excellent! Its wonderful to see people you know who are going down the media route, do big things! I am a big supporter of urban talent. I have to big up my girl Abimaro on that one. She is one of the most inspirational singer/songwriters I know and the wings attached to her music continue to extend! I could list more...

Black people, through our struggles, stories, rich culture and traditions have so much to offer in the entertainment world. We are appreciated in this area but not as much as we should be. Every time I go to one of these shows, hear some original music or see some deep lined African dance I raise my fist a lil higher!

...I just think it's important we as a community continue to back eachother in anything we are trying to do. Whether that be academic, in fashion, music...whatever. We need to lift eachother up! It's only once we unite fully and support eachother that other communities will believe in us and support us too! One day it won't be classed 'urban'...it'll just be part of the mainstream!

Anyway...that's all from me!

P.S...I watched the MOBOs this year - loving where Tinie Tempah has got himself too,two awards n all -naija boy and all! And Tinchy has had my backing from day so I was happy to see his performance tho i know there were no awards there! Might aswell big up Ruff Squad...I'm like their most unlikely supporter but I listen to their tunes r'day!! Luv grime tbh...maybe it's because I'm a Londoner! ;)

Look at me biggin people up like it really counts lol!

Still smiling!

Black History Month Thoughts: 1.4 Billion Reasons...

I feel annoyed with myself!

Since returning from Kenya I have been active. I have done a lot of volunteering etc and I have given many pro development rant speeches to friends and family who have listened or read my lengthy emails but I have not really spread the word about development anywhere as much as I need to or want to.

Everytime I plan on writing a blog on development issues I never know where to start coz my blogs are longth enough as it is, one on such a broad area would never end! And its an area I amso passionate about I guess I feel like my writing won't do it due justice.

Yesturday I went to an event hosted by a charity called MADE. It was a screening of a documentary film called 1.4 Billion Reasons.

1.4 billion people live in extreme poverty...so that's 1.4 billion reasons to respond immediately.

The film reminded me of the passion I have for helping in any way I can, the UN Millenuium Development Goals to come to pass. It reminded me of the love I long for for humanity and it reminded me of the life of balance I vowed to live when I returned from Kenya.

Moreso, seeing the clips of children in their tattered school uniforms reminded me of the kenyan children who greeted us so warmly on our travels and the farmers digging up the earth reminded me of the earth I once dug up and the sounds of african drums reminded me of all the smiles and the sunshine and the oh so beautiful Kenyan land!

I miss Kenya.

But really I miss my passion to see us MAKE POVERTY HISTORY.

So...since its BHM and I haven't found time to write many racial pieces I will TRY and write a blog every couple of days on different aspects of development. And I hope some of you who see things the way I do will read and sahre your thoughts with me.

But for now have a peek at the Millenuim Development Goals if you care enough - go on DFID's website --- http://www.dfid.gov.uk/
While your at it have a browse round...http://www.globalpovertyproject.com/pages/about_us

If only there were more hours in the day...I could just write endlessly.

Still smiling.

BHM Reflections: No Corruption in Lagos? Really?

As the child of parents who both grew up in Lagos and as a person who identifies with tales of area boys and corruption the BBC2 documentary on Law and Disorder was really interesting!

Yes it was hella funny and I could just blog a bunch of quotes from that documentary...Nigerians have got to be the funniest people in Africa!!The things they say-classic!!! Anywho...it did, I think, warrant a serious reflective moment. I love being Nigerian and though I have only been there once (2008) I see myself as Nigerian because let’s face it-my part of south London is swarming with us so it’s not hard to stay connected with our culture. And my parents have serenaded me with all things Nigerian - from the kid’s parties every Saturday to the put your hands up and face the wall punishments!! But as much as I love the culture, I can’t stand the mentality of many Nigerians.

I remember when we went...and we were walking through my mum’s old area-really urban part. I tried to blend in with some old clothes but my brother had to come with his fresh everything and anyway we just stood out. A bunch of boys said, as we walked passed with my aunt...’We will show dem’...he said it in English (with his kink accent) I guess so we’d know exactly what he was saying!! My aunt scorned him and said...’Kilo fe fi wo’ (what will you show them?) followed by ‘olodo’ (cuss word)...I did laugh at the time, tho I was slyly a bit nervous!!

Anywho...as we all know poverty breeds crime. It’s as simple as that. When I was in Kenya, as we looked over the Kibera slum I remember the headmaster of the school tell us about the reciprocal cycle of the slum children. The few who are lucky enough to go to primary school will go, but once they finish, because they cannot afford high school they enter into or re-enter (many of them start school after a life of crime) the life of crime many see as the only option. In many places I think a kind of Robin Hood principle prevails. They are poor and no one is helping them through educating or employing them so they steal and commit crimes against those that perhaps should be helping or simply those more fortunate. And that was why the bobo said that to us, he looked at us and saw money and so felt as though he should be entitled to some too. That’s how poverty breeds crime.

We all need to eat? That’s what criminals like that say. That’s what man dem pushing in Brixton will say. And I do understand very much that one of the fundamental causes of crime is inequality. Clearly the link between black people in Britain being over represented in crime figures is not just due to victimisation, it’s simply down to higher levels of crime caused by the cycle of ‘poverty’ breeding criminals.

The ‘Cross and Die’ dude in the documentary (I think I was the only person who didn’t find that funny-ode) made a valid enough point. He said ‘We want job, we don’t want to fight’...he said they really wanted peace. And while I don’t like the idea of justifying violence or crime for any reason, I can understand where he is coming from. If you’re hungry and your kids are hungry and no one is trying to offer you an out when you’re ready and willing to work for your p, what will you do? The problems lies within the internal factions of government who are failing their people, in turn causing their people to fail themselves and each other.

Now that bre...MC’s vice or voice you might say was funny! I liked the fact that he was rather well spoken. But I found his delusional attitude to the illegality of MC’s empire really annoying. In places like Nigeria there really isn’t much law and order-I guess that was what the doc was aiming to reveal. It’s every man for themselves. Survival of the fittest. So rather than relying on being employed by legal means, these area boys are hired by dudes like MC. Who simply breathe air into their criminality. His attitude annoyed me...silly brother. The law does not work in the country. As a person studying the law I can appreciate that. It simply doesn’t work because it fails to produce what the fundamental aim of law is-order and justice. Crucial fail results in crucial failings in the ways of the people.

These people watch their governments steal and swindle millions so to them it’s just the way it is-if the leaders of the country don’t obey the law why should the citizens? And their officers of the law are all in on the criminal dealings too!SMH...

To make matters worse they blatantly don’t want to hear any voice of reason. The way that officer boyed off Louis’s questions with –‘you’re just recycling one issue’! As much as I laughed it’s so annoying how they don’t want to hear anyone. Surely a country so hard headed and stuck in their ways won’t ever change.

But I suppose its not all bad. Environmental day looked promising. I read something about that in the news a while ago. It is Nigeria’s attempt to be greener I suppose. The only thing is you just know that’s going to be used as another tool to get money out of people who are in the wrong place on a Sunday!

To end...I don’t think we are really in much of a position to judge in many ways. While we make jokes of the man dem in London who are bringing 419 to our streets we don’t truly understand the struggles of the people there. Not that it is reason for their behaviour but it really is such a whole different life out there that until we live there, all we can do is laugh without really understanding who is to blame. To me it’s all of them. Even us.

Black History Month is about reflecting on the past, analysing the present and planning for the future. I for one am very proud to be Nigerian because with all its problems, the wealth of culture it brings truly warms my heart. So when I make it big and become senior partner at my law firm and I’m making mainstream money, best believe I’m gonna lay some foundations out back home!!! InshaAllah. Actions speak louder than words after all.

Anywho...here’s to another failed short blog...gosh I talk too much!!!

Big up all my flygerians!!!Flygerian blog soon come!!!

Still smiling.

P.S If you can be bothered after reading this have a listen to Wande Coal - Se Na Like This...the lyrics are really deep and I'm sure most people haven't noticed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qVzXiWJj-o

Say It Loud: I'm Black and I'm Proud!!!

28th September 2010

I was listening to Styles P Featuring Floetry ‘I’m Black’ the other day (study music) and I feel a weird sense of pride when I listen to the lyrics, even though I don’t agree with all he says (very un-PC if u get me!!) I love the chorus...”So proud to be just who I am...I’m black”. How often is it that people sing things like that anymore?

I have written quite a few blogs on race issues as I see myself as somewhat ‘afrocentric’...not because all I see is race but because I feel it vital as a black British woman trying to be more than a woman in what is still a largely white man’s world to be aware of the race issues that still affect us. So while I don’t walk around with a chip on my shoulder I’m not blind.

When I think of my patriotism to Britain I think of Black Britain. It’s very different to white Britain. My 3 years at a typically white middle class university and my time at various law firms taught me that. The things I witnessed and experienced and heard about while at the predominately ethnic school in Peckham I went to and the ‘black’ college I went to are so different o the stories exchanged with the students I interned with and people I travelled with. And while I won’t act like I am proud of all the things I have seen through association and surroundings, it has contributed to shaping the woman I am becoming. And that woman is one who does not and will not (when I’m a high flying lawyer) underestimate the relevance of coming up from the tales of Peckham!

Presiding over Leeds uni’s ACS and leading it to success (we seriously did a heavy job that year) is seriously one of my biggest achievements alongside attaining a 2.1 at uni. Seeing black people prevail is one of my biggest dreams because all through my life I have watched our community struggle and I have read of the history of struggle which is so deeply sad. I wrote my final year dissertation on institutional racism and deaths in custody and the things I read about and concluded on still make me shudder today.

My ambition to be successful is not just because I want to live a comfortable life and have a big family. It’s more so because I want to be another ambassador for what hard work can do. I want to prove that you don’t have to be a certain way to attain a certain level of success. Not that we don’t have several of such examples, but we don’t have enough. Especially Black, African, Female, Muslim-hijabi examples-get me!!

At an interview with a magic circle firm I interned with last Easter the managing partner of the firm said to me, upon reading my application again, ‘Do you feel you want to be a lawyer not just because your interested in law but because you have something to prove?’. I remember thinking – that was bold!! But I also thought ‘ye damn straight’. But what a shame that that is/was the case. It spoke volumes to me though that he actually knew that there would naturally be an element of that in my pursuit. That was blatantly a racial/religious inspired question-it still happens in 2009!

This is why I think Black History Month is important. Some people don’t see the point in it but I see a huge point. Until the west stop stripping Africa naked, until the city really let blacks in, until the police stop victimising our men, until our men stop victimising themselves, until the cycle of hatred and crime ceases, there will always be a need for this month.

To me it’s purpose is fundamentally to remind us of how our ancestors, grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters have struggled to elevate our position so that we take our rightful stance in society. Slavery is still the greatest crime against humanity. Fact. Surely if we were more aware of what they went through we would push ourselves further today?

So...till I see true equality I will continue to raise my fist. Till colour is no longer a barrier in even the slightest way I will raise my fist. And till I see the west accept black beauty I will continue to be pro natural and anti bleach/weave while I raise my fist!! (I joke)

Black history wasn’t in the curriculum when I was at school, but I had to learn about WW1, WW2, Vietnam, Russian Revolution, the Holocaust and so on...you might even say none of that is even our history!!! So if they won’t teach us, we must teach ourselves!!! Until we can learn to celebrate our history-struggles and successes-they won’t.

I will end with a quote taken from my A level English coursework which is a quote from my man Malcolm! I hope I didn’t make it up!!

“I believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I do not believe in brotherhood with someone who does not want brotherhood with me”. Interpret as you will.

It’s all about peace, love and unity.

Happy BHM to everyone!
Still smiling...

Every time I Cry, I Grow a Little Stronger...

SubhannAllah (Glory be to God). Rainy season continues to pour down and occasionally my umbrella brakes and I become soaked up in the seemingly deep stresses of life that just consume all your energy and joy. Then I realise it was just a little shower and will pass so I’m pressing on awaiting that sunshine which I feel is closer than ever.

Alright, enough of the metaphors! This is not Dawson’s Creek diaries!! This blog has become a bit of a therapy session for me as I feel as though I’m talking to God as I write while also maybe even helping a couple of you through sharing my experiences.
I have been a lil stressed recently as you do. My new schedule is very time and energy consuming. I literally do not have a day of rest and that is draining at times. And as is perhaps accepted as natural now days, living at home with parents when your stressed with work n studies is not easy. Today during an immanent torrential downpour my mum said ‘you used to be your dads favourite’ and while I knew that I wasn’t at the moment it was so hard hearing that from her.

Life is difficult, we all have struggles and we all have issues. Collectively. And it is so easy to become so indulged in your own problems that you forget that those closest to you, i.e your parents have issues too. So when they nag about housework n making stew you can’t quite comprehend how they don’t realise that you have been at work all day or that you have class in the morning and need to prepare. But what we forget I think, is that their struggles, now, before and in the future tend to be so much deeper than us being momentarily broke, failing an exam or not wanting to wash the dishes.

What I have learnt this past few rainy months is that a parents love and pleasure towards their child is so important. I have been walking round my house like I’m some big woman who has her own stuff to do and no time for chit chat and they have picked up on it. And while efforts to ‘stay out of his/her way’ may seem the best way to avoid the obvious argument, it cripples the relationship between the two people you should honour most in this world. And its crazy because you may not think they notice but they do. My mum said she missed talking to me (not in so many words but that was the gist). That’s rather sad!

My dad told me he loved me this morning (during that immenent storm) and while I knew that, the reminder lifted such a heavy weight from me as I had been so consumed in my own issues that I had magnified them beyond what they really were. Those words were enough, in some ways. And my mum, though I think if she read my blog would realise that I do know this, told me to man up basically. She said life is not easy and you can’t trip over every hurdle (basically) and so I should try and be stronger through some of these hard times because there may be harder times to come.

There is so much truth in that. And while its so easy for me to say these things I do realise its so hard in action but one thing I do know is that if I truly love God and honour Him, I should honour and show love to my parents as I do try to for Him. Allah teaches us that disobeying ones parents is like disobeying Him. And the pleasure of your parents should be a constant aspiration of ours. So surely our actions need to reflect that as believers in our Creator. I’m telling myself this more than you!

So to end...let the tears flow as the rain pours as we all need that release but when those tears fade, wipe your coat dry because we must soldier on through each hurdle of life. It will serve to make us wiser, stronger and more loving people. And never forget how important family ties are. They should come first and be nurtured. And I can assure you if you have the support of your parents, your problems will seem like nothing.

I’m gonna work on being dad’s favourite again (rolls eyes) and drop my ‘more than a woman’ attitude so me n mumz are close again. And I’m letting go of those ‘issues’.
Still smiling.

Some Seasons are Cloudy...

So I think this will be short.

I've been forced to ponder the fact that some seasons in life are rather cloudy and others really clear. Its easy to talk about these things metaphorically as it allows us to mask the depth of our troubles or fears. This season seems to have become a little cloudy for me. I can just about see the sun peering through it all but the fear of rain and thunder can be so overwhelming at times.

Failure and the ability to overcome it is a big thing in my life. I think I have had a good balance of successes and failures in my life and I have a good ability to brush myself off and keep climbing that mountain. However, it seems that the older I get, the less acceptable failure becomes. And the harder it is to deal with.

Furthermore, the more I pray for something, the harder it is when it doesnt come to pass. Then it becomes not about the failure but about the prayer. And its interesting to realise that not everything you pray for will come to pass because its God's will, and therefore it becomes an option to stop praying for some things altogether because God will give it to you whether you pray or not right? Wrong? Prayer is powerful but it is also difficult reasoning with something you can only see good in but God sees (and knows) something different of so chooses to keep it from you till its time.

Complicated I think. So despite the fact that the clouds above me could produce numerous seasons to come and despite the fact that I am no nearer to understanding or reasoning with qadr I think for now its best to take each day as it comes.

I often describe the struggles of life as the mountain we are climbling to attain a certain goal. When the skies are clouded it may be hard to see to the top, when its raining you may just slip a little but when that sun comes out...and you've soldiered through all the seasons...well...I'll see you at the top!

Still smiling.

Waving bye to my Gap Year :'(

A Gap Year to Remember

As I sit here attempting to work through the mass of Pre Course study for my LPC my mind wonders into a realm of anxiety! My gap year is actually over and I will be a student again! And while I thought doing my LPC part-time would mean I would still have lots of me and you time the pre course study indicates that that’s not the case! And I have a part-time job AND I’m still working at the Law Centre once a week! I’m about to be MIA!!! The prospect of being super busy does excite me as the devil makes work for idle minds so I am pleased mine will be consumed but yesterdays dozing off at court (while assisting the duty solicitor on housing cases) reminded me of my inability to function 100% during lectures and tutorials! So I can just see the cans of Monster and Red Bull I’m going to have to get through to keep up with myself!!

But on a happier note this gap year has been well worth it! Through the sad times – my cousins loosing their home to that Peckham fire, my beautiful Volkswagen Beetle exploding in the same fire, the crappy times at BPS (call centre) and failing my driving test (argh) twice (double argh)...to the good – the fun at the BPS, my buzzing social life, working at the law centre...to the downright AMAZING...Spain, Portugal (last summer counts!), Tunisia, launching my own business (Liallah Vintage), my blog  , the birth of my beautiful nephew and of course the trip of a lifetime...KENYA!!! Not to mention the friends I made and kept along the way - My BPS buds (though their unlikely to last let’s face it!) and my Kenyan lassie’s!

All in all its been truly wonderful and a serious learning curve in my life. I have definitely grown immensely in this short time and as I enter this next season I will allow my life lessons to guide me through...

One of my closest friends Abimaro once wrote to me and said something like - Everything in life has a season and we are not always in full bloom but like a beautiful orchid, we are constantly growing and if we wait patiently we will realise bloom is never too far away.

I live by that in many ways. I have three goals for myself that I hope to achieve in the next year of life and I feel that next season I will attain at least one of these. And I will wait patiently until full bloom reaches me...I’m not sure I’m ready for full bloom anyway though it’s slightly creeping up on me (aging) ;)!!

It’s a pity that orchid died!! Lol!!

P.S...Hold tight marriage season too...I have 4 weddings to attend in the next 3 months!!! Hang tight the Joan in me...keeping it zipped!!! ;)

(Above is a random pic of me and three of the Superb Six at my leaving do b4 Kenya)

For the Love of God Put the Guns Down

So I have another itch...an itch to get into youth work...after ranting to my brother about my fury over these young boys stabbing and shooting eachther I was scouring the the web for youth groups I could work with and do my whole preaching thing to! Bro then said to me 'your gassed, you know you aint got time for that now'! And he's sooo right!! I wish I did but with all the things I'm doing now this may be a gassed moment that won't materialise any time soon.

BUT that doesn't mean there isn't a need for such things. Bro was saying to me that these boys don't have positive examples and all that jazz. And while I have problems with that notion in itself I know it bares some truth. And it is true, they are gassed up on Giggs and all that reppin Narm crap that leads them into a web of rubbish in pursuit of street credibility, money and status. All the while they fall into a life of crime, violence and hopelessness. It saddens me. And every time I see a news report about this yout that has been killed in this way, part of my Black British pride withers away.

Today interestingly, on the way back to the law centre after lunch I bumped into two old family friends-twin brothers. When I saw them from afar I thought they were just two city men...then as I got closer I realised who they were! Aside from the fact that they had grown into men, they just looked so professional. I came to learn that they actually have their own business and have employees! They are only 21! One handed me his business card and I had a naughty peek at the website at my desk and it was really impressive!! This is exactly what our community needs! More entrepreneurs like them! Another one of my good friends is working on a social networking website and in this day and age it is a very smart look! We need brothers like them to step up and inspire the young men that need it. And especially to explain how they could have gone down the path of crime but chose a better way.

I say more power to them!

But the sad thing is that at the same time I see tributes on Facebook and bbm for a young man who I did not know but have come to learn was sadly killed last year after having been stabbed outside a nightclub where he just performed. I watched a tribute to him and I could see exactly what kind of funny, fun loving and ambitious young man he must have been and its just such a shame his life was taken in that way. It actually makes me really emotional.

They say poverty breeds crime. But what baffles me is that the poverty we may lay claim to here isn't even really poverty! The 1.5 million people in the Kibera Slum in Kenya is poverty.

These young men are just so desperate for the easy money through pushing drugs, making music and what ever else that they cant even grasp the concept of anything that requires real hard graft (not that music unsupported by illegitimate means isnt hard graft).

The claim that there is a lack of positive role models is true yes(to some extent), but perhaps we as a community are not doing enough to be that example? And perhaps the positive examples aren't doing enough. Perhaps we're too quick to jump the fence and move out of the endz and forget those who need us as a positive example (I say that knowing I haven't moved anywhere lol). And perhaps we're labelling them too much anyway. There is truth in the self fulfilling prophecy theory after all.

I could go on...I don't think I can do the youth work thing right now but more needs to be done to put a stop to this now ongoing problem that is crippling our communities even more...

I was telling my friend the other day...its sad how I see big 25 year old men who I knew back in the day...they were puttin p's up on road reppin Peckham then and lo and behold their still doing that now! And these are the ones who have managed to escape prison (many of whom have been in mind you). Its so worrying that those who have been incarcerated come out with the same, if not worse wasteman mentality then they went in with! It's seriously worrying...maybe my next step will be prisons!!!

God give us strength and allow our communities to prevail above this sometimes seemingly helpless situation.

Still smiling.

Wide Eyed Black Men - Since we're on this marriage hype!!!

On the bus yesterday as I passed New Cross, Peckham and Camberwell I couldn’t help but notice how many black boys were about the street! That combined with a discussion this week with a few male friends about black boys and the play about a black boy I had just watched made me think...

Right now everyone seems to be on this marriage hype. Predictable as it is as most of us have now graduated from uni, and are saving for our future and that future inevitably includes a man!

What was scary about the conversation was the fact that the young black man I was talking to himself seemed to have a lack of faith in black men as partners. He pretty much wished us luck and said we were doomed! The play depicted the stereotypical fate of many of our black boys on road. And the young men I saw on road all seemed at least on appearance to have been cut from the same cord. Pardon my ignorance!

So I began thinking...is it so that there are really no good black men out there anymore? My male friend in a nutshell said that he wouldn’t even advise any of us ladies to marry any of his boys because they are not serious. Many boys and men will lie, deceive and cheat and he painted a picture that reflected this as honest truth. Declaring that are very few men like himself that are not like that!
So I wonder whether in this day and age, where there are clearly a lot more females in the world than men, where men openly (in other countries)have multiple partners and the women accept it because they would rather be in a relationship than alone...whether we are really doomed.

I won’t lie, I have met very few examples of young black men that I look at and think ‘yeh, he’s marriage material’. Not because I have no faith in them as I really do. But one thing I note is that even if a black man is on point with many aspects of his life-his money’s right, he has a good house, close family, good job, ambition, even is religious...his downfall is women. And that my sisters, is the scary bit.

My male friend made an interesting observation when we challenged his argument stating that ‘religious men’ were still out there. His response was that no one wants a mosque/church boy! He claimed that girls all want the bad boy, the one with street credibility, who’s a bit cool. And I won’t lie, this bares much truth as women want a man who is tuff and can protect them, especially around here. But his imagery of the religious man was 1 dimensional. You can be both down with God and cool I think. I know a few like that I think. The problem is though, most men I have met do not know how to strike that balance. And that’s what’s worrying.

I have met a lot of guys with ‘multiple personality’ issues. They want to be Mr. Sweetboy religious boy when it suits them and so they can get the ‘good girl’ God fearing virgin. But they also want to be hard bodied, street rep man-dem who can get any girl. The two are not cut from the same cord. I find that young men who cannot draw a good enough balance between the two do this because they are so hungry for a woman that they will mould themselves by any means necessary to fit both sets of criteria. And the two don’t work together very well. I would prefer the former any day because its better in the long run.

Another thing I have noticed with experience, having an older brother and through the very few male ‘friends’ I have is that men will lie. Woman is mans weakness. Fact. And it takes a very strong man to ignore the advances of a woman, to ignore and fight his desires for women and to be completely honest and open with a woman. A man will often say almost anything to get a woman. And what is worrying is that my friend basically said that this behaviour carries on into marriage. If your with a boy who is constantly gassing you up with his lyrics and gassing up plenty others too, what makes you think that when that ring is on, he’s going to stop? A hungry man needs to be fed abi?! I find it really sad that boys and men can literally spit as many bars as necessary just to get a certain woman. And once that goal has been achieved, the sweet talk comes to an end. This is why I have come to understand that there is nothing appealing about boys who are very quick to shower you with a world of complements before even knowing you. It is very short lived and will be an on going problem. You find that guys like that tend to see women as conquests, once she has been conquered, be that by having her heart, her body or her mind, then they flip the script and are out. And I honestly don’t think these are the kind of men we should be marrying.

I can change him she says. He’ll be different with me. That’s all in his past. As much as it would be nice to believe all of that, who are you deceiving if not yourself? I don’t mean to generalise because men can change and are as imperfect as women but marriage is for life. And that is an important factor I have explored with one of my girls recently. It is for life, well at least that is the intention. It’s not about taking the risk in the hope that he will change when you’re married. Once a womaniser (be that subtle or extreme) almost always a womaniser. If he can’t look at just you now, who are you fooling in saying that he will once you are married. Even having a world of money, status and power isn’t enough-we spoke of Tiger Woods at length!

I find it distressing that a lot of females are in that dyer state which dictates that they must just find a man - to avoid being 40 year old unmarried aunty Kehinde! Lol!(She is hypothetical). Some will just marry no matter how many cracks there are because ‘at least I have him’, even if he is seriously waste. Hell no! For women who have kept themselves to themselves, have worked hard to mould themselves into amazing women, why should you settle for wide eyes brothers? So you are not single? I would rather be single than in a temporary marriage that will only last as long as he isn’t bored of me. Because when we got married I knew he had wide eyes but I believed that he would change.

And sisters don’t be fooled by the ‘religious man’ who fails to strike a balance. Who quotes a verse to you today but can’t lower his gaze in any way. Don’t compromise too much. Our men will only get away with as much as we allow them to. Until we stop being blind to their reality, we won’t be liberated from our own.

My final words are from a Quranic verse- 30:21 - 'And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquilty with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts; verily in that are signs for those who reflect'.

I believe in that. And sisters there really is time. Practice faith and patience. Yes it is from the deen to marry young, but marry young and get it right. Don’t rush into it with someone you barely know just because you want to be married. Mould yourself and be confident that God’s time is the perfect time. Guard your heart, guard your mind, and guard your love!
Still smiling!!!