So you made it...Be humble about it!!!

I'm really supposed to be studying right now but I think its about time I replace my breaks to do online shopping to write something interesting like I used to.

So I guess a lot of these posts will reflect things I've thought about at work as that the season I'm currently in...though work isn't really a season as we'll do it for longer than a season...but as this is not my permanent abode I can still refer to it as that...

So trawling back to my first week at my current work place back in March, I went with a good friend of mine, Crystal Debrah who is also now a authoress - She wrote her own book 'What they don't tell you about University - amazing right - back to our old sixth form, Christ The King (toot toot, bang bang lol) to speak to a law class about the reality of university, the torture that is law, the fight that is a career in law etc. It meant a lot to me as its something I'm really passionate about sharing. Crystal and I and many of our friends are enjoying great and different levels of success. We all graduated with our 2:1's from top 30 universities and we are all now either working full time in the city or working full time/part time and studying part time (LPC's and Master's).

While we were at the college I remember thinking its so important that we are able to go back and tell these young people about the reality of what we had to face. Because we did not really have that. But its even more important that we come across as humble and down enough so they can fully appreciate what we were saying. I often hear people saying children need role models who mirror them so they can actually see themselves like that role model in the future. And I am understanding the wisdom behind it. Going in and being able to drop my uncle tom at times sounding voice (which I discovered recently isn't as uncle-tomish as I thought-apparently I have a strong south London accent lol) and just being real with them was important. Going in there with some "yeh I came from here and now I'm in a different world better than this one" may not work because they firstly won't vibe with what your saying if you don't break it down in a real and down to earth way but also, they are not going to want to hear some bougie sounding black woman coming in telling them how they can be as successful as her because she is not a reflection of anything they recognise and the one thing they had in common (the college attended) becomes redundant.

I believe as one becomes more successful, acquires more qualifications and earns more money you need to constantly keep yourself in check. I would be horrified if in 10 years I'm some big time lawyer, making my p, living in Dulwich (inshaAllah) but when I attend a school to give a talk no one wants to hear me because my arrogance has meant I can't speak to them in a language they are familiar with. That I'd changed so much the people I am addressing don't even believe I ever went to the same school as them. That's not to say I want to one day go in there talking like I spent the last 10 years on road with every slang word I can think of but I want to remain real enough to not get caught up in hype that is material and worldly success.

The city is home to men and women with huge ego's, a lot of arrogance and many people who have probably never even thought about humility. I often wonder why they think so highly of themselves because the questions I am asked or the discussions I hear often give me the impression that many are very ignorant of all but what they think they know. Needless to say we're all inspired and motivated by a story of struggle and its amazing to hear how people got to the top from nothing but even when your there, if your experiences haven't worked to shape you into a well rounded, humble and strong individual then the respect your due won't come your way.

Anywho...before I digress...I will hopefully be doing some more talks at CTK with SEO and back to my secondary school with one of my girls so look out for some positive posts about those...

Be successful, be real, be happy, be inspiring, be thankful and be humble!!!

Ooooh this was a short one!!

Still smiling.

Jungle Fever?!?

Wrote this a while ago but tossed it in the drafts folder...here it is anyway...

So I'm going to try and get back on my blog game!!!

Another season has begun... I fought through the tornado's of last season and entered this one fresh from my short trip to New York with a new attitude and renewed mind ready to attack the evil forces of the LPC and full time work in the city!!

So yesterday I met up with some old uni friends at a friends birthday dinner in Soho. Was a fab night and I had a lot of jokes...I think Joan reared her funny head as I was saying all kinda random silly things as I do.

While in New York...which deserves a blog post of its own I came across this little black gift shop...in the Bronx where I was staying. It was just by 174th Street subway station which we took into Manhattan everyday "on the 2 train"...so anyway I went into the store on my last day after walking past a few times and thinking it was perfect for me!! Inside I met a 'brother' who spoke to me for a while about Islam...but that story is for another post as I say...anyway I managed to get my hands on a book I had been looking for for a while...Midnight by Sister Souljah!!! Its the prequel to The Coldest Winter Ever...both set in the projects of New York (Brooklyn and Harlem) and both focused on black people, their lifestyle in the real hoods of new york and various other things...

Anywho...wanting to get to the point of this post...I brought the book out at the dinner as someone asked what I was currently reading I believe and a few funny looks and comments about the name of the author and type of book it was later we began a brief convo about inter-racial relationships...

Now I know I should tread carefully here as this is obviously a touchy subject for some and clearly issues of race should always be addressed with caution but I just want to share my thoughts on this and namely why I think SOME black women in particular have a problem or issue or chip as some may say about it.

Now I'm all for unity and despite my pro-black ways I believe it is an absolutely beautiful thing for two completely different cultures, races and traditions to come together and become one. I love meeting people who are quarter chinese, quarter pakistani, quarter brazilian and quarter Nigerian loool ok I haven't but I'm sure you catch my drift. Imagine the amazing things you are able to pull on from those four corners of the world to help mould and shape you into who you are? And yes there may be some weird mixing in that canvas that may cause confusion, conflict and disarray but there is something amazing about having all those flavours in your blood.

BUT at the same time...as a Black British Nigerian believe we are all allowed to have our preferences. These are naturally going to sometimes be born from our surroundings and what we are used to but for some it will be the opposite as some people love what they are unfamiliar with. I adore my Nigerian culture and the older I get the more patriotic I become towards my country of origin that I have only visited once, so it strikes me as natural that my first preference is always going to be a Nigerian...yoroba at that! Not because there is anything wrong with someone from a different tribe, country, continent or race but because I love the culture of Nigerians - the humour, the fact that we will have similar stories to tell about the Saturday night parties n the funny things our relatives say, the food, the native wear, the role of a man and woman, the history of our country etc. And while its great to share in other cultures I think the reason I have a large number of Nigerian homegirls are for the same reasons I have mentioned thus it is no surprise many of us look for the same in a spouse. Nothing prejudice about that.

All that being said, what is it that rubs so many sisters the wrong way when we see brothers rolling with non sistah's? And why is it such an issue when its that way around but not as big a deal if its a sistah? If its a sister dating a non brotha she's probably gone there because he treats her better or because she's a bit of a hippy or because of whatever right? And we actually appreciate the white dude dating her because to us it means he can see the beauty in our black skin...

I personally believe the KEY reason for our sideeye and annoyed whispers when we see black brothas with non black sistas (because we are all brothers and sisters - regardless of colour) is because we are still struggling in some ways to feel beautiful in society. I think it links strongly to this whole weave and bleach epidemic. If the brothas are going for let me just say it sha - white sisters with their fair skin, long flowy hair and blue eyes - because this is also the image we see everyday as beauty in the media (for the most part) we cant accept that the brother just likes this girl because he does, it has to be deeper - I think we see it as an insult because we almost feel like if our own brothers don't see us as beautiful then we are completely lost because the world doesn't either. Get me?

This is a huge generalisation but its just one of the reasons that spring to mind. Often I think we give brothas that look without even knowing why. We havent actually thought about it deeply enough to be able to verbalise why what we are seeing warrants that eye roll but on the surface we just see it as something uncool.

There is of course the known 'they're taking all the good brothers we have left' mentality too which is interesting. And I have a small opinion about that too. I've been working full time in the city for 6 months now. Right in the heart passed London Bridge, Monument and Bank stations on my journey to Bishops Square so I see what I deem a whole different world to the world in Peckham, Brixton and Wolly Road. And one think I know is that I recognise a big handful of the black male and female faces I see in the tesco or on the bus because there are proportionately few of us compared to other races - natural of course because of the demographics of London. But that said, one thing I think we and this is something I came to learn at uni is that sometimes its not even about having a preference or liking one colour/length of hair/shade of brown over another - its simply about what's around you.

There are simply waaaay more white women out there and especially in the city than black women...and while there are more black women in Britain then black men...at the end of the day if all your colleagues are white or Asian women and the only sister there has some attitude (lol another stereotype huh) then its natural that they are going to go for the former - because there are more of them so the likelihood is just there - naturally. Does that make sense?

Anyway...I could go on about my theories for a while and I have made a whole lot of observations over the past 6 months but I can see I have made this post into an article again so I will stop here...

As I always say - At the end of the day, until we learn to see ourselves as beautiful, smart and successful - the world won't. That goes to every race that feels the struggle of being accepted by the white world we live in. Just my opinion.

BTW...I watched The History of Mixed Races (or something like that) on BBC iPlayer - if you liked this post you will love this documentary)...

Still smiling.