Kenyan Diaries: The Struggle of the Black Woman

16th April

This piece is not exclusively inspired by my time in Kenya but much rather is a reflection of my own thoughts and experiences triggered off by a number of things I have witnessed here.

The struggle of black women is real. And I don’t aim to be stereotypical or wholely negative or moany or even dwell on the harsh reality of some truths for that matter. I simply think its important to be aware of the elements that stand in our way so that we are able to continue to triumph and blossom into the Cleopatra's and Nefertiti's we are!

We are so beautiful because our struggle is so wide . A black woman carries a heavy burden. She has to deal with the negativities of being black and female in a world were being of that race and sex doesnt always work in ones favour. She has to educate here children about the real world and love her husband so that he may love himself enough to care for his family. She is an ambassador for love and strength in her community and through her faith and love for herself she has to overcome the many injustices thrown her way by society. She has to rise above the negative stereotypes placed upon her in a world where black women are often seen as less intelligent, overtly sexual and even ugly.

1. Now I don’t eat my words concerning the ‘justified’ reaction of the children of Kenya to the white volunteers as opposed to the two black ones(the reasoning I found was that people are generally fascinated by things that are far removed or alien to them); but after being here a month I do see something a little sad about it all. And i think it ultimately comes down to people’s perception of beauty. At the end of the day people are vain. We are drawn to beauty as opposed to ugliness and I mean that on surface level as in physical beauty and on a deeper level as in inner mental beauty. But the physical is what one can see first. I feel, and don’t take this as fact, that Africans, some Africans have a distorted view of what beauty is. Lets face it, as long as the West continues to dominate the world both economically and politically, this is in many ways, a white mans world. He dictates what is good or bad, ugly or beautiful, intelligent or slow, developed or undeveloped. And unfortunately there are still many who see blacks in the negative. I don’t but i find the young girls of the village’s fascination with the long blond or brown hair and pale skin sad in some ways. I understand and reason with the fact that we are fascinated with difference but something deeper lies within. I sometimes see the fascination with the ‘western’ look as a form of admiration that stems perhaps a dislike of our own beautifully sun kissed skin and full curly hair. The media plays a significant role in this.
Portraying beauty as pale with long hair or a light colour. If every magazine was filled with women who looked nothing like you, what might you think at such a young age. And this is Africa, yet people conform.

Ironically here on the project, I, miss ‘afrocentric’ have noted a significant difference in the way our skins compare. The way white skin burns in the sun is fascinating. The way it peels red makes it appear almost inferior to our skin which can uphold the heat. We often joke at the house that ‘black don’t crack’ as the pigment in our skin makes it age slower, at surface level at least. I just wish some of the girls I have seen here would realise the beauty in them, if they don’t already.

2. The perception of black women as being feisty, rude, yet strong and domineering and overtly sexual is in many ways a taboo. One day at work a volunteer jokingly called me ‘ghetto booty’. This was in relation to my straight back while i dug up earth and my stance when i rested to apply lip gloss! It was also attributed to my now known outspokenness and necessary fiestiness (I speak my mind in situations in which it is needed). Anyway, i found this to be an interesting phrase and a reflection of many stereotypes of black women. I don’t carry a chip on my shoulder as aside from my knowledge from reading, I don’t have too much reason to. Yet I notice that my urban surrounding mean that I feel the need to stand my ground in every situation and appear the stronger party when being challenged. The lawyer in me means I won’t back down from an arguement and the ‘ghetto’ in me means I often break out into a world of slang when I’m angry. I wonder where it all comes from! As I ponder I have come to believe that it stems from my position as a black Muslim woman. If I don’t take a stance and stand up for what i believe in, people may walk all over me. I think being black also subconsciously means I feel the need to prove my intelligence. Also, I believe my life lessons, being varied due to my surroundings and awareness of some black history equip me as a young black woman to address issues sharply so as to not be undermined. What I have come to conclude is that the way black women are perceived in society and somewhat ostracized means we sometimes feel the need to be and are slightly more inclined to be sharp tongued than white women.

3. Now I want to revisit the issue of black beauty. Today, a volunteer here said something silly that he didn’t actually mean in a brief conversation about black celebrities. I had pointed out that a particular singer seemed to be getting fairer in skin tone and he agreed (we were looking at a copy of Glamour and he pointed out her make-up to me). We then went over some other celebs whose skin has gotten suspiciously lighter over the years. I then pointed out some dark skin beauties who are still dark. Randomly we came to a particular celeb and he said ‘yeh she’s pretty for a black girl’. I was dumbfounded and sharply questioned him in response ‘what did you just say?’. He realised what he had said and began to retract his statement and he was clearly very ashamed and apologetic about it. I know he didn’t mean it that way. But the fact of the matter is, to me, that statement held a magnitude of truths in the way a lot of people think. I heard a lot in that statement and it somewhat consolidated or confirmed a few things I had been thinking about. I personally think black women and just women of colour in general are the most diverse looking and beautiful in the world. Being a black woman myself i do notice a black beauty shine moreso than any other race. I guess that is natural as her beauty is a reflection of mine in some ways. Though women of all colours are beautiful, in the world we live in it is always and still vital that women of colour see how truly beautiful we are!

I detest the fact that black celebrities get lighter. It doesn't speak well of black pride. Human and natural pride for that matter. It sadens me to the point of tears. Afterall, ‘the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice’ ay! Bleaching creams, long weaves, false lashes, blue contacts represent black women trying to flush out the black in them. Yes white people tan but that’s their own. For someone to dislike themselves so much that everything they aspire to looks is false and is not a natural reflection of their own people is truly sad and worrying. Everything should be done in moderation. There is a difference between braids and a 24 inch blond weave! Between mascara and false lashes. I don’t want to put anyone in a box because truth be told, actions are to be judged by intentions (God tells us) but i do believe that if such women searched deep down as to their reasons, self dislike will come into it. I just question where this perception of beauty comes from! This comes from me who has been on the creamy crack fir over 10 years! Needless to say I wear a hijab so clearly now its for management reasons only, plus I look 15 in cornerows!

‘Often light skinned Americans are considered more attractive than those with the blackest skin colours. We have shunned eachother as reminders of our alleged inferiority. And in doing that, we guaranteed our continual enslavement’.
Geaorge Fraser

I think that living in the west can sometimes make us dislike ourselves in our natural state so we opt for lighter skin, thinner lips, a narrower nose. Who the hell told anyone that was beauty! We are all beautiful. The distinction and division between light and black has long been a problem within the black community. It is one that needs to be addressed strongly is it wrong. No matter if you are as dark as night or as light as day, you are beautiful. God created you so. Only if we love ourselves will the world learn to love us back!

4. Finally the deepest and central point of this piece is to talk about our struggle beyond body and beauty image. Self esteem can be and I believe is a strong cause of female oppression. Until we love ourselves enough to be confident enough to rise up against our oppressors we will continue to be oppressed. We are so powerful as a sex, having a heavy hand reproduction and all men often feel the need to repress us so we do not dominate. Today we watched a DVD on HIV/AIDS in East Africa and the reasons why it spreads so much faster in women.

In the East African countries shown in this film, we saw that bigamy is illegal in many states but practiced freely and openly among many. And it is something we have encountered here. According to some men in this area of Thigio there is nothing wrong with having a wife and several girlfriends on the side. I guess its not even bigamy really. Just open adultery.This is very normal practice and many women have to put up with this. Worst of all, a man sleeping around is prone to contracting HIV. And even worse is the fact that once he brings the virus into his home and bed and ultimately his wife it is she who is to blame when their status is revealed. Many African men believe the virus is spread by women. And while they will readily admit that they have been unfaithful, they will seldom accept responsibility for contracting the infection themselves and spreading it on.

What comes after this is a plight of abuse, physical and sexual. This abuse is often open and there for the community to see. And in many places it is fine. A teacher at a school we are working at on the project went as far as to tell a volunteer that a man needs to hit his wife so she will not feel over appreciated. He went as far as to say that a man should sleep around because there are more women in Kenya than men so if they did not sleep with more than one, some women will live without ever having sex. This was a teacher at a primary school.

The woman has to endure so much and due to her love for her children and even her abusive husband she remains, silently suffering a life of torment and pain. That's a story not just of African countries but the world at large really. Domestic violence is universal.

Power and control are attributes we need not fight for but share appropriately. Understanding that we are equal in God but play different roles. So simple but so hard to comprehend for some people. Power, self worship, ignorance and self hate are just a handful of the attributes of those abusers I heard of today.

I will end, though I rate you for even reading this far, with some empowering quotes I love.

‘Especially do I believe in the negro race; in the beauty of its genius, the sweetness of its soul’.
W.E.B.Du Bois

‘This color seems to operate as a most disagreeable mirror, and a great deal of one’s energy is expended in reassuring white Americans that they do not see what they see’.
James Baldwin

‘Colour is not a human or personal reality, its a political reality’.
James Baldwin

‘I represent more groups whop have been victims of second class citizenship than any other delegate; however, i am a proud member of all these groups, and in my small way I have to make my contribution to the cause of a dignified humanity’.
Dollie Lawther

Still Smiling.

Part II soon come...upon my return to the UK!