Jungle Fever?!?

Wrote this a while ago but tossed it in the drafts folder...here it is anyway...

So I'm going to try and get back on my blog game!!!

Another season has begun... I fought through the tornado's of last season and entered this one fresh from my short trip to New York with a new attitude and renewed mind ready to attack the evil forces of the LPC and full time work in the city!!

So yesterday I met up with some old uni friends at a friends birthday dinner in Soho. Was a fab night and I had a lot of jokes...I think Joan reared her funny head as I was saying all kinda random silly things as I do.

While in New York...which deserves a blog post of its own I came across this little black gift shop...in the Bronx where I was staying. It was just by 174th Street subway station which we took into Manhattan everyday "on the 2 train"...so anyway I went into the store on my last day after walking past a few times and thinking it was perfect for me!! Inside I met a 'brother' who spoke to me for a while about Islam...but that story is for another post as I say...anyway I managed to get my hands on a book I had been looking for for a while...Midnight by Sister Souljah!!! Its the prequel to The Coldest Winter Ever...both set in the projects of New York (Brooklyn and Harlem) and both focused on black people, their lifestyle in the real hoods of new york and various other things...

Anywho...wanting to get to the point of this post...I brought the book out at the dinner as someone asked what I was currently reading I believe and a few funny looks and comments about the name of the author and type of book it was later we began a brief convo about inter-racial relationships...

Now I know I should tread carefully here as this is obviously a touchy subject for some and clearly issues of race should always be addressed with caution but I just want to share my thoughts on this and namely why I think SOME black women in particular have a problem or issue or chip as some may say about it.

Now I'm all for unity and despite my pro-black ways I believe it is an absolutely beautiful thing for two completely different cultures, races and traditions to come together and become one. I love meeting people who are quarter chinese, quarter pakistani, quarter brazilian and quarter Nigerian loool ok I haven't but I'm sure you catch my drift. Imagine the amazing things you are able to pull on from those four corners of the world to help mould and shape you into who you are? And yes there may be some weird mixing in that canvas that may cause confusion, conflict and disarray but there is something amazing about having all those flavours in your blood.

BUT at the same time...as a Black British Nigerian believe we are all allowed to have our preferences. These are naturally going to sometimes be born from our surroundings and what we are used to but for some it will be the opposite as some people love what they are unfamiliar with. I adore my Nigerian culture and the older I get the more patriotic I become towards my country of origin that I have only visited once, so it strikes me as natural that my first preference is always going to be a Nigerian...yoroba at that! Not because there is anything wrong with someone from a different tribe, country, continent or race but because I love the culture of Nigerians - the humour, the fact that we will have similar stories to tell about the Saturday night parties n the funny things our relatives say, the food, the native wear, the role of a man and woman, the history of our country etc. And while its great to share in other cultures I think the reason I have a large number of Nigerian homegirls are for the same reasons I have mentioned thus it is no surprise many of us look for the same in a spouse. Nothing prejudice about that.

All that being said, what is it that rubs so many sisters the wrong way when we see brothers rolling with non sistah's? And why is it such an issue when its that way around but not as big a deal if its a sistah? If its a sister dating a non brotha she's probably gone there because he treats her better or because she's a bit of a hippy or because of whatever right? And we actually appreciate the white dude dating her because to us it means he can see the beauty in our black skin...

I personally believe the KEY reason for our sideeye and annoyed whispers when we see black brothas with non black sistas (because we are all brothers and sisters - regardless of colour) is because we are still struggling in some ways to feel beautiful in society. I think it links strongly to this whole weave and bleach epidemic. If the brothas are going for let me just say it sha - white sisters with their fair skin, long flowy hair and blue eyes - because this is also the image we see everyday as beauty in the media (for the most part) we cant accept that the brother just likes this girl because he does, it has to be deeper - I think we see it as an insult because we almost feel like if our own brothers don't see us as beautiful then we are completely lost because the world doesn't either. Get me?

This is a huge generalisation but its just one of the reasons that spring to mind. Often I think we give brothas that look without even knowing why. We havent actually thought about it deeply enough to be able to verbalise why what we are seeing warrants that eye roll but on the surface we just see it as something uncool.

There is of course the known 'they're taking all the good brothers we have left' mentality too which is interesting. And I have a small opinion about that too. I've been working full time in the city for 6 months now. Right in the heart passed London Bridge, Monument and Bank stations on my journey to Bishops Square so I see what I deem a whole different world to the world in Peckham, Brixton and Wolly Road. And one think I know is that I recognise a big handful of the black male and female faces I see in the tesco or on the bus because there are proportionately few of us compared to other races - natural of course because of the demographics of London. But that said, one thing I think we and this is something I came to learn at uni is that sometimes its not even about having a preference or liking one colour/length of hair/shade of brown over another - its simply about what's around you.

There are simply waaaay more white women out there and especially in the city than black women...and while there are more black women in Britain then black men...at the end of the day if all your colleagues are white or Asian women and the only sister there has some attitude (lol another stereotype huh) then its natural that they are going to go for the former - because there are more of them so the likelihood is just there - naturally. Does that make sense?

Anyway...I could go on about my theories for a while and I have made a whole lot of observations over the past 6 months but I can see I have made this post into an article again so I will stop here...

As I always say - At the end of the day, until we learn to see ourselves as beautiful, smart and successful - the world won't. That goes to every race that feels the struggle of being accepted by the white world we live in. Just my opinion.

BTW...I watched The History of Mixed Races (or something like that) on BBC iPlayer - if you liked this post you will love this documentary)...

Still smiling.