Can males and females really be ‘just friends’ or better yet ‘best friends’ ?

So clearly this blog doesn’t have anything to do with the last but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for years!!!

I don’t have many males I can really call my friends. Mainly because Islamically it is not encouraged at all but also because I have rarely been able to maintain a friendship with a male because I either don’t care enough to or can’t because I know there’s a risk of the friendship becoming something it shouldn’t!

One thing I have realised is that my 24 year old brother is pretty much enough anyway. He gives me exactly what a male friend can. He’s funny, silly, cool, dresses well and is very honest! Although we are really different, he’s real with me. If I have a ‘dude’ problem or issue he tells me straight ‘he’s gassing, he’s a player’ etc’ and in truth what more do I need?!

I think I have been put off being too close to impressionable guys who are not ready for a young woman like me...I know it sounds cocky but this whole ’I really respect you’ thing can turn into admiration and then it turns into like. And I know how I am sometimes. You know when you say certain deep things that you know someone will be moved by, not to impress them because it is what you genuinely think but just so you can see how they react...well that has led to trouble with me! I knew one guy a while ago who I was cool with. Saw him as just a friend but we’d have deep conversations because for some reason I was open with him n him with me. I actually think I thought of him as a lil bro because I knew he was impressionable and needed guidance. Next thing I know the guy starts acting weird n saying certain things. So then I have to be careful how long my birthday txt is to him or question his motives when he asks me to go cinema with him alone (not that I would have gone anyway). That’s annoying, from when a dude comes at me like that when it aint that...the friendship needs to get locked!!Because everything changes...

Or when you meet a guy who your super cool with n he acts like its just a friendship thing and then you find out from whoever that he actually likes you. Then suddenly all the phone calls suddenly make sense! Then things are weird between you and you can’t look him in the eye or you duck him when you see him coz for u it really aint dat!! Them ones are even more annoying because you loose that friendship in a way. You have to be careful how close you get to that person, all the while pretending you don’t know how they feel!Leaving them baffled and annoyed!

Then there’s the situation in which perhaps you know someone liked you but you just want to be friends. If there is one thing I know about certain dudes is that when a guy wants something from you he can be super duper persistent. ’On it like sonic’, one of my friends used to say! More so than he would for any other platonic female friend. But as soon as that reason diminishes, either because he just aint on it no more or he can’t be bothered with the chase, the ‘friendship’ gets locked too. But what is annoying here is when you spend time getting to know someone having told them you want to be friends and once they clock that it aint going their way they bounce! One thing I think dudes don’t realise is that a lot of us females don’t sacrifice our time with a dude for no reason. I certainly don’t! If u aint my husband or brother I don’t have to talk with you. But if I choose to develop a friendship with you because you imposed it the least I should expect is that the friendship lasts! What’s the point in being open with someone and making them your friend for them to then just 360 because it’s not what they wanted.

But on the flip side I think females can be a bit selfish in that respect. If a dude likes you he don’t really wanna be your friend! My brother used to tell me that all the time! He’ll stick through all your ‘I just wanna be friends’ talk in the hope that you’ll change your mind. But when you don’t why should he stick around? He approached you and he wasn’t asking to be your friend in the first place! Perhaps we shouldn’t get a guys hopes up by being ‘friends’ wid him (while he gasses up our ego’s) in the first place! But I think if you genuinely like someone its more than physical and if you like their personality the friendship shouldn’t have to end! But I realise it’s a little deeper than that and sometimes its best not to hold on to these dangerous friendships.

I always wonder whether that ‘best friend’ you’ve known since you were five is really your best friend! I don’t think I can call a guy my best friend unless he’s 100% not interested or gay! Because the way God made us means it is always possible for the wrong feelings to develop even where there is no initial physical attraction. You love your girlfriends so you can fall in love with your male best friend. It happens. My closest male friend a while back was such because I thought boi I don’t see him in no other way and I know he sees me as a sister. But one day he reminded me that I’m not his sister and it’s not impossible for him to suddenly find me attractive! From then I knew that no matter how well you think you know what the other is thinking, you never really do!

And finally, why do we even need to be best friends or so close with the opposite sex anyway. As children of God we know what the deal is. Sisters in Islam you know what the guidance on free mixing is! Nature is real. And we all know how God created us. There isn’t much I can get from a guy that I can’t get from a female friend! Yes I can say that coz I have a brother but I still just don’t really think deep best friend friendships between males and females exist!!